I always base decision on what’s fun rather than it being logical. It’s kind of an irony on having a highly left brained source of income.
In a sea of people sometimes there are those:
1. who try to be different;
2. who wants to be different;
3. who doesn’t care if they’re different;
4. who doesn’t know they’re different.
I have been all of them but in reverse order. You see back then as a kid I didn’t know I was different. Yeah, sure people would often tell me I’m weird but I felt just like everyone else. I even tried to do with things they liked just to prove to them I’m not. Then it got to the point where I realized I was weird. Great, I’m weird what now? I started preferring alternatives to mainstream choices. Music was one of them. The preferences ranged from Beethovens, Mozarts, Bach to Slayer, Dir En Grey, Psyopus to John Cage, Bjork, and Giacinto Scelsi to the Ragas of the East it was a smorgasbord of sounds and it felt so good! As years went by, Heavy and Death Metal was removed because I would often go into fever while listening to it (This is based on a real life experience).
And then I discovered online jobs. I was never disgruntled with employment but was gravitating to working in the comforts of your own choosing from your house, your friends’ house, airport terminals, bus terminals (more on these later), to malls, to mountains, etc… It felt like a liberating idea. I even submitted an essay to our Business Management Professor my preference of working online and not seeing clients face to face. It’s like drug dealing transactions or red tapes but without the illegality.
I worked in an office for around five years and then decided to quit. Luckily four other officemates were on their way out too. So it was like a mini exodus of some sort. To be honest there was no ill feeling towards the company. I felt that it was fun to try out other stuffs too. Although I’d have bouts of panic before handing out the resignation letter. But still I did.
Years went by and mountains, rivers, lakes,and oceans scaled (yes these were all true). Everything felt too real. The freedom became a part of my normal routine along with loads of procrastination (I call this the procrastination routine). Jobs came and went like one night stands. I realized that everything that was happening was written in that essay I did years ago in school. It made me think about success. According to google it is the accomplishment of an aim or purpose. So there it was success!
So where do we go from here? I don’t know. Part of me wants to settle in the mountains of Leon. Part of me wants to live in Japan because you know Japan is love. And then there’s part of me that doesn’t know what to do.
I don’t know really. I tried and wanted to be different because I wanted to get noticed in the past. But then I realized that I was different and didn’t cared about what people would say. And then I came into a point where I didn’t even know I was different unless people would point that to me. How’s that possible? Must be the last two years of procrastination routines and solitary days wandering to God knows where and how I got there. The thing is, everything becomes normal once you instinctively revolve your routine around that (or whatever is that).
A typical conversation from friends, family, and acquaintances:
FFA: “Where are you now?”
Alvin: “Right here with you.” (naks)
FFA: “I mean, where do you work?”
Alvin: “At home.”
FFA: “Ah, so you’re unemployed. It’s a waste of your potential not working. You can be a teacher or work in the government”
Alvin: *in my head*….”LOLZ!”
FFA: “Ok see you I have to go to a meeting.”
FFA: “Your life is good compared to most of us here, you get to go wherever you want.”
Alvin: *In my head* “But I chose to be here with you.” (naks)
FFA: “You must be rich now.”
Alvin: *still in my head* “LOLZ!”
You see, I promised myself not to work in the confines of the office ever again unless I liked the office or it is mine (*insert evil grin*). Not because I hated employment but because it was not fun to do anymore. Maybe I’ll go back and maybe not. I compare this to playing DoTA and League of Legends. It was fun at the start and then you get tired of its repetitiveness.
No, this isn’t a speech about quitting your job and pursuing your dreams. I just enjoy pursuing alternatives to what life has to offer. It might not cater to your own consciousness now or maybe ever and I respect that. I talked to a friend about pursuing other things and she said that she was too old to let everything go. The way she said it and the look in her face said, “Don’t lecture me on what to do because when you get at my age you will feel this way too.” The only way to find out is to reach her age and then let’s see from there.
Sometimes we are so used to something that it becomes normal to us.